Last week was a rotten mess. A young woman who had asked me to find a Foster Family, made a formal complaint with the police that I was keeping her from her cat. My husband and a friend of hours retrieved the cat from the Foster Home, and returned her to her home. I found out that my friend is going to lose her right leg. She is a severe diabetic, She lost her left leg just before Christmas. Now she will have to go to a nursing home. :( I found out that we had lost a big cleaning contract that would have helped us greatly with our finances. It was such a bummer. By the time the weekend arrived I was a bear. I was yelling at people in traffic, I was angry at my husband with no justification. I just wanted to be left alone.

I went to church on Sunday. It wasn't too bad, but when I am having a hard week I don't want anyone touching me. I always feel like their hug is burning my skin. I stayed out of the way of the crowds, as much as I could. I listened to the praise team and the sermon during thefirst service, by the time the second one rolled around I was ready to be done.I went out to the car and watched Grey's Anatomy and coloured until my husband was done.

I hate being this way. I am so trapped within myself that I don't know how to break free. It is a really difficult time dealing with this disease. It SUCKS in so many ways. We need so much more awareness for people who are so ignorant, I hope I can do what I can to make that happen.

Dark!
Over the past few months, I have been in a very dark place. I have been suicidal and have lost all interest in living my life. I have a very hard time finding any energy to keep my house clean, sometimes even my own body.

My dreams never come true, the exception was finding my soulmate. I wanted to be married and a Mom more than anything. I found my prince, but being a Mom eluded me, F ive years ago last month I found out that I had stage 4 endometriosis. The only treatment was a complete radical hysterectomy. We then turned to adoption. We were then turned down for adoption because our home is not up to the province's standards, yet they let a teenager take her baby home to either sleep in atrocious conditions or neglect them all together.

There were more things this week but I am too exhausted to keep going. I will write more later!

A New Day, I think!

If anyone is reading my blog, I want to apologize for my absence. I haven't even been able to gather my thoughts, so it wouldn't have been much of a post.

I started with a new counselor because she was closer geographically. It was really hard to have to go back and start from the beginning, when some of those issues have been resolved. I have been to her twice but its not going to work out.

I called the counselor that I have had for 13 years, and he agreed to see me. He has given up session work. He and his wife own a retreat called \'\In the Stillness". It is a beautiful place but we have no way of taking two or three days to go there. One, we have no one to take care of our dogs, Two, I couldn't be away from home that long, I guess there are only two! 

I has a psychiatrist appointment last Friday. I was surprised how well it went. I was finally able to get a real diagnosis of what is lurking under my umbrella of Mental Illness.

The doctor said, that I have PTSD, OCD, SAD, Generalized Anxiety disorder, Agoraphobia and Borderline Personality Disorder. The last one scared me because of all the ways that they use it on TV. I did some research and found that it was just like any of my other disorders.

Thanks for reading? Talk soon!